Abandoning the Heart
by Maiden-Of-Tears
Summary: Why couldn’t her father just accept them? He was the worth of any elf. And he was cute and charming and funny and…


The door slammed behind the furious elf maiden that had passed through it. When she last had gone between those doors, she had been happy, happy of what the Valar seemed to have blessed her with. Now…she punched one of the large pillows on her couch angrily…now, nothing seemed to be going right. Picking up the hapless pillow, she buried her face in it and screamed as loudly as she could into it, letting tears of frustration be wiped away in the process. Why couldn't her father just accept them? Estel was the worth of any elf, in fact, compared to some of the idiot elves that had sought her hand in marriage, he was one of the Maiar. And he was cute and charming and funny and…

She sank down onto her bed, hugging the pillow into her chest. And he was gone.

How could you do that, ada? Surely you must have known that your words would have broken his heart? Why couldn't you see that what you did would have cut him deeper than any blade could? Your words must have seemed like you were cutting him out of your heart, out of our family…

_'How could you do this to your own family, Estel. We nurtured you and raised you. Is this how you repay us?' These were the thoughts that Elrond would have dearly loved to say to the downcast form of the Ranger before him. But his head knew better than his aching heart. "Why have you done this, Aragorn?" His words were cold, and the man could barely raise his head to meet the elf lord's piercing gaze._

_"I'm sorry." The words were heartfelt, and hid bravely the tears that had racked the man's chest not more than an hour before._

_"Well sorry doesn't exactly cut it this time, Aragorn, son of Arathorn." Estel visibly flinched at the name. His father, no, Lord Elrond never called him by his full name. Never. Unless…_

_"You will not bind any woman to you, before you are both King of Gondor and Anor."_

_"Did my mother tell you of this?" The voice was quiet and hopeless. Had the immortal been in a better mood, his heart would have been wrenched out of his chest at the pure sorrow and pain in his adopted son's voice._

_"Not your mother, but your own eyes **betrayed** you." The slight emphasis, although unintentional caused the man to withdraw further. "But I do not speak of **my **daughter alone. You will not bind any woman in troth to you."_

_Aragorn nodded silently, fearing to speak lest his own voice betray the tears he strove to conceal._

_"Why do you try to separate her from her family. Surely you know the choices she must make, the fate that has been laid upon us? When I leave, Arwen must leave also, unless you should come between us. U__nless you Aragorn, come between us and bring one of us, either you or me, to a bitter parting beyond the end of the world. You do not know yet what you desire of me.__"_

_Aragorn kept his eyes lowered._

_"I understand. I see I have raised my sights to a treasure as dear as the one my ancestor Beren saw in Lúthien herself."_

_"You will not come in between us. We will not speak of this again." The words were filled with more venom and hatred than what the elf really felt but again, the once proud son of Arathorn flinched. Elrond turned away from the man he had once called son. Understanding that the conversation was more than finished the man rose and bowed, placing his fingers on his forehead in a sign of utmost respect. A sign of respect, and also a movement to cover his tears._

_"Farewell, Lord Elrond." He turned and left the room, pausing at the door. "/__Gohena nin…ada…/" It was whispered, only audible to elven ears. But for the first time in his life, his father did not hear, could not hear, would not hear… /Forgive me…father…/___

_Arwen had been standing on the balcony outside her father's room, when she overheard this exchange. Just as she was about to go in to intervene, she heard Estel's whispered farewell and the door closing quietly behind him as he left. She moved towards the door to the room, but then changed her mind. She would find Estel first. Just then, she heard the clatter of hooves on the pavement below her, and she whirled around to see a hooded rider gallop out of the grounds._

_Elrond sank into a chair opposite the door that led to the balcony that encircled all the rooms of his family. He rested his head on an arm, looking at the white curtains fluttering in the breeze. Why had he said those things? But it wasn't so much what he had said but how he had said them, and what he had wanted to say that made him feel guilty. Looking up, he saw the shadow of a person in a dress fall across the window and realised his daughter must have heard all that had been said. Crossing over to the door he was about to open it when he saw her turn away. The sound of hooves pounding echoed through the room. He winced, knowing the only thing that that could mean. How would he tell Gilraen? _

_When they faded away, Arwen was gone. He went over to his desk and buried his face in his hands. Oh Valar, he had lost them both…_

Arwen shook as she remembered what had happened nought but a few hours ago. She had not yet seen her father since then and didn't particularly want to. She blamed him in part, for driving his own son away, but it was herself that she blamed the most. She had not realised his feelings for her were so strong. And she had never shown that she returned them, not clearly enough. If she had, this would have never happened…

Rising, she fully intended to go after him, but before that, she knew she had to write to her family telling them of her departure. Going to the desk, she absently rifled through the sheets of parchment for a blank sheet when her eyes fell upon a piece of paper that had not been there before. Picking it up, she recognised the strong elegant script, even though it was hastily scrawled across the page. Her knees buckled and she had to abruptly sit down again as the world threatened to collapse on her.

_Lady Evenstar, I must leave. _

_Forgive me. _

_Farewell. May the sun ever shine upon your path._

_Aragorn._

It had been messily written and small stains of what looked like water smudged some of the lettering.She held it against her own chest, letting her own tears mingle with the ones on the paper. Some sense of elven foresight told her that he would travel a long and hard road before she ever saw him again, that was, if she did see him again.

_Oh, what have I done?_ She slammed a hand onto her desk, not seeing the sharp blade of the letter opener lying under her hand. The fiery pain shot through her hand and she cried out, not knowing or caring whether it was the pain of the cut or the pain in her heart that expressed itself. Looking unseeingly at the blood which welled up across her palm, she barely heard the footsteps entering her room.

A figure knelt in front of her, taking her hand and wiping the blood away from the deep cut. The pain didn't register anymore, and she glanced up to meet the agonised gaze of her father. He dropped his eyes guiltily as he saw the tear filled grey eyes of his daughter and with less than usual grace wrapped his arms around her trembling form. She buried her face in the rich soft robes, allowing her tears to fall. The usually calm Elrond was shaking slightly with repressed tears, and when a soft murmur caught the elf lord's attention, he winced and finally allowed his own silent tears to fall.

"Why?"

"Elladan, Elrohir, have you seen Estel?" The twins froze as they heard the familiar voice. They turned slowly, knowing all too well how this would end. Gilraen was close to tears, desperate for news of her son. She had seen nothing of him all day and had found that his cloak and horse were missing. Elladan spoke quietly, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I think you should speak to ada about this. It is not our place to tell you."

"If something has happened to my son, I would have someone tell me!" Gilraen barely whispered, seeing clearly in their eyes that something had happened. Elrohir, the more sensitive of the twins winced, then took her by the shoulder.

"Come, I will take you to our father. Elladan, you go on ahead and get ready. I will be with you soon." Elladan nodded his hesitant approval and Elrohir steered the human queen towards his father's study.

The room was barely lit, the curtains drawn and the windows closed. The light that would normally surround the elf was dim and Elrohir looked slightly alarmed as he took in the forlorn figure of his father.

"Ada?" But before he could announce her properly, Gilraen pushed past him and asked desperately,

"Elrond, where is my son? Why won't anyone tell me what has happened to him?"

The elf lord looked up wearily, his light visibly fading even more under the weight of his heart.

"Come in Gilraen, sit down."

She went in hurriedly, and Elrohir closed the door as he left silently.

"Where is Estel? Has something happened to him?" She asked, her anguished desperation fading into quiet concern. Something in the elf lord broke, and he buried his face in his hands. He had come into this situation all too many times but never with one of his own children involved. For that was what Estel was. His child. His own.

"Then what I feared has happened. Did he tell you where he would go?"

"He said nothing other to me except farewell. I'm so sorry, Gilraen. I have betrayed your trust." She was trying to stay calm and collected

"No. Aragorn is a man now. He had to make his own choice. I do not blame you."

Elrond shook his head, finally meeting her eyes.

"He must have felt I was shunning him from my heart. If something happens to him I will never forgive myself."

"He will come back." The words were spoken with more certainty and braveness than she felt. "He will come back."

"I pray it is so."

"Elrohir, Elladan you must not follow him."

"But—" The twins protested in unison.

"No. He does not want your company, he has made that clear enough, and you must not force it upon him." Her voice was determined, the only sign of her recent tears a slight wavering as she referred to Estel.

"Arwen, would you just leave him to the mercy of the wilds?" Her eyes implored them to understand.

"I would not. But he must come back to us by his own will. And he will return. When he is ready." She raised a hand as Elrohir tried to protest. "Do not think that I am not concerned. But I fear we will hurt him further if he is brought back to Imladris against his will. We cannot, will not risk it." The twins bowed their heads in quiet agreement. They had seen the way their younger sister's eyes were shadowed and dark with pain, how her confident posture had belied her heavy heart. How the light surrounding her was fading…


End file.
